It's that time again! Your favourite Tuesday feature that occasionally gets pushed back to Wednesday afternoon for reasons not compelling enough to dwell on -- it's ManLinkWeek! So let's open up the... bag? The vault. The vault-bag! The ManLinkWeek vault-bag.
Yeah, okay, the branding needs a bit of work still. You get the idea, though! And first up:
[Metro Winnipeg: Slurpees touch down at Winnipeg airport]
One of the really fortunate things about the return of the Winnipeg Jets (I'm holding off on the Provincial ticket scandal for now, because I sense there's plenty more action coming on that front, but remind me to pick it back up later) is its immediate return to prominence in our civic perception and sense of identity. And, yes, I know it seems silly at best and damning at worst that a sports team would be so crucial to our collective pride, but in those long and dark years of NHL absence we spent our time priding ourselves -- priding ourselves! -- on Slurpee consumption instead.
Unless something dramatic and hilarious happens this July, Winnipeg is going to be named the Slurpee Capital of the World for the thirteenth year running. And I know those thirteen years have really just flown right by -- glory years all, those ones, yeah -- but at what point does this title start to seem strange? Twenty? Twenty-five? Eight more stints like this one and we'll end up hitting the century mark, one hundred straight years of drinking more proprietary high-fructose-corn-syrup-water than any other outpost of civilization (such as it is) on the planet. Will it still be delightfully quirky at a hundred? Is it still delightfully quirky now?
It's an interesting topic to consider, and I'm sure we'll all have more about it to deliberate on come July, but that was the general idea of where my mind went after reading the news. You can see more about the Airport's announcement on its official blog, but I specified the Metro article above for its accidentally-funny, unintentionally-damning quote from WAA CEO Barry Rempel:
"It’s a great reflection of what Winnipeg is about, that you can pick up a cheese nip and a Slurpee on your way out (of the city)."
It, uh... it sure is! That's a pretty accurate reflection, all right. Eeeee-yep; yes, indeed.
Hey, you know what else is a great reflection of what Winnipeg is about?
[Welcome to Winnipeg Manitoba Canada Website: Home]
"DOWNTOWN IS VERY BIG IF YOU GO AND VISIT IT PORTAGE, GRAHAM, YORK AVE, CORDYON AVE, MAIN STREET, AND LOTS OF STREETS IN DOWNTOWN WHICH ARE NOT ESTIMATED AND CANNOT BE BECAUSE WINNIPEG IS VERY BIG"
Rob Galston uncorked this link on Twitter last week to the delight of all who beheld it, because... well, behold it. Get a load of this website, man, seriously. Drink in it.
Some selected quotations, [sic], presented without comment:
"People should be ashamed of themselves for saying that winnipeg is small but it's new population you already know, but there are lots of other stuff that makes winnipeg more bigger and larger"
"With Over 700,000 People Population in 2012 and CMA population of 773,800 in 2012 '' a city where these is everything like any other Canadian City '' the city is big large and full of excitement and has all options for your life there"
"3-4 PUNJABI RADIO STATIONS"
"Winnipeg grows 10,000 - 11,000 people a year, Winnipeg has lots of Special things happening in 2012, Rapid Transit, New Airport, New Water Park at Polo Park Mall, Winnipeg has over 216 Buildings estimated by January 26 2012 and the old pictures of winnipeg are not similar to the winnipeg skyline of 2012."
"there are lots Buildings in Winnipeg and the skyline of winnipeg is very big looking now then before because some people say oh there are only 3 buildings that are taller in downtown but now there are lots if you go to our buildings page of winnipeg you can see that there are lots of buildings and if you see google maps street view and type in york ave, portage ave, main street and also winnipeg is very big now and not like before and whoever says this city does not compare to other canadian cities they don't know what their talking about and once you see the whole downtown area you will say yes the skyline and population is alot"
And, of course:
"Winnipeg has everything like any other city this website is used to tell canadian citizes that winnipeg is not small, plus this website has a ip address reader and tracker if someone trys to use a proxy or program to hide their real ip the orignial ip will still display in our website system and we will send police to them for insulting our city which is for real and this is not any other lie we 100% gurantee this we had about 20 emails who were against winnipeg saying it's small and we have the right to arrest them and put them to jail for abuse, insult, and threats Winnipeg has very good laws for good people that respect every city and every person and strict laws for bad people and bad answers feel free to watch this website with respect and email, watch our youtube and lots of stuff "
So, uh... there... there you have it?
Yes, no matter where you're from, what you're after in life, or how well you believe the city of Winnipeg is doing, there's always one underlying constant that all of us -- as individuals, yes, but also as a community -- can rally around and believe in:
"The most worst and windy place is Saskatchewan."
Well, I'd imagine we could all use a drink after that last segment, so let's move forward to:
[The Cranky Beer Blogger: Ten great beers available in Manitoba (Part Two) ]
A follow-up to the wildly successful original post, here are ten beer recommendations as we move into the hot summer months. Unibroue's La Fin du Monde is mentioned in the post but not actually included in the list of ten (nor included in the original list of ten, for that matter), so allow me this time to toss it my support: if you have not been drinking it, you should be drinking it. Yeah, it's $5.40 a bottle, and that may seem steep at first, but it's a 750ml bottle at a deceptively tasty 9%; I'm a great big tall viking of a dude and I can sail comfortably on one bottle of La Fin du Monde for the better part of an evening, which is better value for money than casually demolishing a six-pack of standard domestic whatever.
Alternately, you can drink until these start to look like actual bike paths:
[greg.g: Designated bike routes]
"There it is!" makes me laugh every time I read it here, because it makes me picture the entire post read in a Dora the Explorer voice.
"Can youuu spot the bike lane? Where? Oh! There it is!"
"BIKE LANE, NO BIKING! BIKE LANE, NO BIKING! BIKE LANE, NO BIKING!"
"D'aww, mannnnnn!"
And then Mayor Katz boots Diego right in the face, and -- ha ha, naw, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Let's move on.
[The Globe and Mail: Why Canada needs a flood of immigrants]
What do you suppose the previous record would have been for the number of times the name "Steinbach" appeared in a single Globe and Mail article? Whatever it had been, I'm sure this must have eclipsed it.
"[T]wice as many churches as traffic lights" is a delightfully descriptive little aside, one that I'll have to remember to steal at some point -- but once you get past that opening, it's quite the trip to read at length about how Steinbach should be held up as a national example of immigration success for the rest of the nation to follow. "Unless Canadians suddenly start having radically larger families, the only logical answer is the same as Steinbach's".
Remember that weird extended period after the Jets' return when the Globe was suddenly running seemingly constant articles in praise of Winnipeg? My guess is that they might have accidentally left one of those writers loose, and then he or she just started wandering southeast in the general direction of Toronto. (If we see a really flattering article about Moose Lake Provincial Park in the next little while, this explanation will be as good as any.)
So, yes, I'd like to believe I speak for everyone when I say how glad I am to see Steinbach getting such positive national mainstream press. But if we really want to convince people how great it is, someone had better snap up steinbachbestcity.webs.com soon and get to work hyping up its modern amenities, its busy downtown core, and its seven Punjabi radio stations. No, no, fifteen! Tell them there are fifteen.
[The View From Seven: Time to plan for The Bay's next life]
Let's say, hypothetically, that we fail to secure a downtown Bloomingdale's within The Bay by offering tax incentives and subsidies to the building. Let us also say, hypothetically, that The Bay eventually pulls the plug on its long-suffering Portage location and leaves one of our grandest, most prominent, most historically significant downtown landmarks sitting abandoned. What would we, and what would our elected leadership, do in that scenario?
WE'D PANIC
OH JESUS, WHAT DO WE DO
OH GOD
OH MAN
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE UNIVERSITY OF WINNIPEG DOESN'T WANT IT
ffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFF--
So, yeah, keep an eye on The Bay downtown. That could be something of an issue, soon.
And, finally:
[CJOB|68: Enjoy those outdoor activities but beware !]
If you're looking to make the most of your summer months with a spectacular variety of fun, fresh, and fascinating outdoor experiences, the Office of the Chief Provincial Public Health Officer wants you to know that "It's Manitoba Time"! *
* Manitoba Time is not clinically tested and may cause side effects including West Nile virus, Lyme disease, E. coli, rabies, hantavirus, wildlife attacks, grievous physical injury, taxation-related bleeding, increased traffic enforcement, "Spirited Energy", breathing through a tube, and death. Do not take Manitoba Time while pregnant, under prescription medication, or operating heavy machinery. Prolonged exposure to Manitoba Time is not recommended. Some participants report feelings of depression, anxiety, frustration, resentment, discontent, suicidal thoughts and public drunkenness during Manitoba Time. May cause blindness.
Thank you for reading ManLinkWeek! Stay tuned for more content; another excellent episode of Winnipeg Internet Pundits airs live tonight, 5:30 to 6:30 on UMFM 101.5, I'm in Uptown Magazine each and every Thursday, and of course there'll be a blog post about hockey coming as soon as the second round of the playoffs ends. And so on, and so forth; there's always something. Until next time, true believers!
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