Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Manitoba Links Weekly: Strife, Bludgeon, Claws, and Meeps (ManLinkWeek 25)

ManLinkWeek, you know it! A tad delayed, but ready to rock. I've got a bit of personal good news to share, which is something of a rarity for me, but I'll hold off on it for now; that'll be a post for later. Right now, it's time to bust out some local linkage!

Let's open up with a good-news story on a grander scale:

[One Man Committee: The Avenue Building Unveiled]
The massive renovation and revitalization of the once-derelict Avenue Building has finally completed, culminating in a recent grand opening celebrating its rebirth as a stylish apartment-slash-commercial complex. It looks really good! And it has the Province as its anchor tenant, but, hey, c'mon. So does everything else around there. (Have you ever, just as a fun conceptual exercise, pictured what our downtown core would look like if every department of the Manitoba Government suddenly pulled out at once? Try it the next time you're wandering along Portage or Broadway, it's quite the trip.)

Still, though -- apartments! Downtown! The very idea, man, I tell you.

While we're on Portage:

[THE RISE AND SPRAWL: Portage Avenue, 1970s]
A picture, as the saying goes, tells a thousand words. So I think in this case the picture works out to be the equivalent of some loopy Canadian-content short story they made you read in seventh-grade English.

[The Manitoban: Canadian hockey robot is in the finals]
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Except in this competition, during which the sufficiently advanced technology in question is instead indistinguishable from wacky late-'80s anime.

"Jennifer the Canadian Hockey Robot has overcome the challenge of Dancing Arrows Robot, as well as the sudden appearance of Boxing-Kung-Fu-Hybrid-Bot! But now she moves on to face her toughest test of all -- the climactic, winner-take-all showdown against the dizzying onslaught of the Tic-Tac-Toe Robot Twins! Will her scientific slapshot guide her straight and true? Can she bring out her 'Eh' game when she needs it the very most? Or will X mark the spot... of her defeat? Find out in the next thrilling episode: 'Two Minutes... In The Box!' Next week! On Hockey Robot Jenny!"

[The Times (Canstar): Bridge groups ponder what’s in a name]
Augh, no. What? No. Stop that. You cut that out right now.

In the past year and a half there have been four different attempts, by four different groups, to rename the Disraeli Bridge -- in whole or in part -- four different things. That is ridiculous. And completely counterproductive, unless they're planning to all band together as one cohesive unit and have the whole bridge officially renamed The Stephen Juba And Kaitlyn Fraser And Bachman-Turner Olympian Freeway. Won't that be fun! I think that'll be a real hoot.

You do all realize that the city builds new roads occasionally, right? Roads that will need names? Perhaps going forward we could solicit memorial tributes for those, instead; that way, with any luck, we wouldn't end up with street names like "Diplomat Drive", "Green Oaks Lane", "Radar Place", "Payment Street", "Appletree Crescent" and "Cedar Glen Road" on the outskirts of town. And, with any luck, we as a city wouldn't be nearing half a dozen rename attempts on one frigging thing.

[Travel Channel: World's Most Iconic Airports (via (ChrisD)]
Spoiler alert: Winnipeg is one of the ten entries on this list. Now, before you click through and look at it, try and guess the other nine first. Jot 'em down, if you have paper handy. Ready? Okay, now read the list, and see how many you got; my final score was 'one', and that one point was because I'd already been told Winnipeg is on there.

I'll have to remember to pick the brain of aeronautics enthusiast Kevin McDougald about this list the next time that I see him, because my understanding of "most iconic" and Travel Channel's approach to it are clearly two very different things.

I mean, maybe I'm wrong! Maybe the rest of you immediately blurted out "WELL OBVIOUSLY MONTEVIDEO URUGUAY" when you saw the title, and I'm just completely out of the loop on a topic like this. It's possible; I don't get around much, any more.

[Winnipeg Eats: Urban bees... for the birds?]
"NIMBYs (or rather, the NIMNBYs – Not In My Neighbours' Backyards) are already crying. They (or their kid) are incredibly allergic to bee stings. They want to be able to continue to use their backyard without getting invaded by their neighbours' bees. If their neighbours get bees, they're getting a can of Raid... and so on."

My immediate mental association:

And, finally:

[Kijiji Winnipeg: KATTENS 4 SALE]
"They are Strife! Bludgeon! Claws! And Meeps."

I am continually, tragically disappointed that the rest of Kijiji doesn't read like this. Every single posting on that site should aim to involve some sort of avant-garde written madness, because what better opportunity to cut loose and play around could one hope to find? All that you're required to list is an item and some contact information, but beyond that you have free reign, and free reign is a terrible thing to waste.

So the next time that you have to get rid of a dresser, or a guitar, or the hilariously bad decision you made on your cellphone contract, just think to yourself -- how can this offer stand out, against all of the competition out there? If your answer lands on something like "drawings in crayon", or "iambic pentameter", you are my kind of people.

Thank you for reading ManLinkWeek! I'll see you again in this space real soon.


The View from Seven said...

The new YWG is certainly a very nice airport, and they obviously did their research into what passengers like and dislike about airports.

But it's difficult to think of many "iconic" airports that stand out in the way the Eiffel Tower represents Paris or the CN Tower represents Toronto. I suppose Los Angeles, with the gigantic letters "LAX" looming ahead of you as you approach the airport, is somewhat iconic. Or Amsterdam, for cramming in all kinds of things you don't normally find in an airport, such as a casino, a supermarket and an art museum.

Maybe the list should just be the "10 Nicest Airports for Weary Travelers", which would fit YWG nicely.

Ben Century said...

They should just name the Disraeli bridge after another person I don't know, just like they renamed Water Ave and the Charleswood Parkway (was it parkway before?) Oh yeah, and put some nice Native artwork on it to match the Occidental. We Winnipeggers just love that native art shit.