Thus Far the Flood Has Been Neither Fun Nor Profitable

I do this thing sometimes where I write something somewhere else and then completely forget to mention it. You ever do that? Maybe I'm just getting old, I don't know. I need to start hitting the ginkgo biloba; I didn't even remember how "ginkgo biloba" is spelled, so I had to look it up, that's how old I'm getting. I can't wait until I'm legit old enough that nobody expects me to remember anything, I'll be calling it "Kinko Balboa" and calling every video game "the Nintendo", it's going to be the best.

naaah who am i kidding i'll be dead by thirty

Classified Ads as Beat Poetry, or: Today's Your Lucky Day, Job Hunter

[ The following is a series of direct quotations from the Winnipeg Free Press Careers and Job Opportunities section for Saturday, June 18th, 2011. Each complete sentence is an unaltered -- (sic) -- quote from a position advertisement. No advertisement has been quoted more than once. ]

[ For best results, play this music in the background and read the following aloud in your best William Shatner cadence. ]


(ahem)





Would you enjoy working Mon. - Fri. during school hours to achieve a healthy balance between your career and home life? If you are searching for a challenging, exciting career opportunity, look no further! We are looking for a self starter who is positive, polite, yet assertive, to take this Full Time position.

It's simple really, you want steady work and a great income ... we want the work done and will pay you well for doing it. Challenging work, competitive salaries, attractive benefits, professional development, career advancement opportunities and the chance to become involved in your community await you. We offer the Best Pay Plan in Manitoba. This is an immediate opening.

Results oriented, ambitious, energetic, forward thinking, creative, innovative, analytical and persevering are all phrases that describe the ideal candidate. The ideal candidate must be able to work unsupervised. The desired candidate should also possess good residential & some commercial real estate knowledge. The successful candidate must possess a high degree of confidentiality and discretion.

Candidate must have some knowledge of Standard Repair Times.

A post-secondary degree or equivalent hospitality/business experience is required, as is the ability to attend an 8-week training session in Toronto. Experience using the Internet and other resources to perform research is required. Certificate in Non-Violent Crisis Intervention is required. Comfortable with roughly 25% to 30% travel.

Work is time sensitive & high volume. Periodic overtime will be required.

You will have knowledge/experience of an AS400 system and expert estimator as well as the hydronic and HVAC industry. Experience with object-oriented principles and background in Java development. Experienced in TAM (The Agency Manager). Intermediate computer skills.

Broad knowledge of IT Service Delivery Processes and Practices including Service Level Management, Incident Management, Problem Management, Change Management, Configuration Management and Security Management. Responsible for the management of Functional and Non-functional requirements to ensure that the needs of the business are translated into effective technical solutions. Able to lift 60 lbs.

A 'People First ' Attitude Is Most Important.

Must have valid class 3 driver's lic. Must have experience with vinyl, carpet, laminate, hardwood etc. Must have a class W Refrigeration ticket or higher.

Must have the ability to work with all levels and must have strong analytical, problem solving, communication and organizational skills. Minimum 3 years experience, hard & soft. Must Love Dogs.

Current in application of ICD - 10. Currently holds a level 1 license or above. Preference will be given to candidates with experience in youth engagement.

Experience with electronics and trailer assembly would be an asset. Experience in a "Lean Manufacturing" environment would be an asset. Previous furniture assembly or woodworking experience will be an asset.

Familiarity of the city is beneficial.

National Institute of Disability Management and Research (NIDMAR) designation is an asset. Working knowledge of JD Edwards software is an asset. Member of CAGP or CFRE designation and knowledge of Raiser's Edge are assets. Previous knowledge of a ticketing database, experience working in a non-profit environment, and some graphic design are all assets.

A/C experience an asset but not mandatory.

Compensation and benefits reflect the importance of this position. Sara made $19.22 per hour last week, did you? We will help you to excel in your professional and personal life. Our training program and service systems allow you to "be the best you can be".

Aboriginal persons, women, visible minorities, and individuals with disabilities are encouraged to self-declare in their covering letter. Bilingualism (French and English; written and verbal) is required. Ability to speak Ojibway a definite asset.

Please indicate "Sports Radio opportunity" in the subject line. Tracking number 1556.

Only those under consideration will be contacted.

The Flag of Manitoba is a Curious Beast

Well, by the time I got back from Old Market Square and the Jazz Winnipeg free weekend, Sunday was technically over. So I'm still a post back, but it'll be caught up soon enough -- and Happy belated Father's Day, Winnipeg! It's customary to take this time to share paternal stories and memories, but I've noticed several times from past experience that all of the really good stories about my dad kind of unsettle people. (Which is too bad; they're really good stories.) So I'll take this time to write about something else, something we all see fairly frequently around here but give very little thought to or about:



The official flag of the Province of Manitoba.

Chip Damage Fight for the Future: Japan Edition Was Good Times, BUT--

Well, the big charity fundraiser video game tournament opened up fifteen or sixteen hours ago and I'm just now getting home, so obviously I missed the post-per-day for yesterday. Guess I'm doing two today! These are the trials a man must endure when a man makes a promise like this at the beginning of a month.

Slurpees and Murder Record Club: Nighttime Highway Mixtape

i like you but i am shy so i made you a mixtape are you going to the dance this weekend y/n

As promised last week, this is the counterpart to the previous podcast mixtape whatchamacallit; where last week's compilation was for the daylight drive out of the city to start the weekend, this week's compliation is for the (usually reluctant) night drive back in.

You'll recall that last week I gave the file about twenty minutes of pre-highway warmup to let you get out of the city, but that's obviously not the case when you're driving back from far-flung lakes or woods or wherever you end up. So this mix gives you about ninety seconds to get driving, pretty well all you need to get yourself onto the road, and if you aren't on your way by then it's not my fault that you backed into the ditch again. SMOOTH MOVE EX-LAX HAW HAWWWWWWall right i'll go get the truck