Thursday, November 09, 2006

You're Such a Sheep

From the Danier promotional flyer distributed November 9th, 2006:

Yeah, dude, you're tough. There goes the coolest son of a bitch that ever wore a dead lamb.

Watch out, everybody! For all we know he killed those baby sheep himself! He's a dangerous guy!

I mean, okay, I know the models are effectively slaves to the whims of their photographic handlers -- but couldn't somebody at some point have just told this man to smile? Lighten up, dude! You're wearing a sheep! Don't take everything so seriously!

Yes, traditionally leather is made from cows, and cows aren't exactly very inspiring animals either. But at the very least cows are manly! I ask you, what could be more definitive a masculine ideal than living entirely to reproduce, to get really fat and to spend all day blowing farts and doing nothing? Exactly! A far manlier aspiration than bleating at nothing and continually being endangered by a red-nosed Wile E. Coyote headswap.

Besides that, another question comes to mind -- couldn't you just wear wool? Am I missing something here? In fact, wouldn't you be warmer wearing something made of wool? I can't imagine a coat made of lamb carcass proving very effective against our winters -- because if sheepskin itself were warm enough to block out the cold, sheep wouldn't have wool in the first place.

Boredom at work be damned, I've got to stop automatically reading everything that comes with the paper. It's going to kill me one of these days.


Jonathan said...

"But at the very least cows are manly"

Cows? You mean bulls, right?

James Howard said...

"A female domesticated ox or other bovine, especially an adult; now more generally, any domestic bovine regardless of sex or age."

But you're right, of course; in my limited worldview I was automatically assuming that the original bovine was domestic, rather than specifically flown in from another country to be killed and skinned for biker pants.

The immigrant experience is difficult enough as it is!