Not Gonna Get You a Diamond Ring

Last year it took me a full month before I finally got around to posting about the annual parade; keeping that in mind is what makes me feel comparatively good about the idea of getting it out this year within about a couple weeks of the original event.

I mention this because I'm finally getting around to moving all the photos off my ol' digital camera, and even that is really only because I've nearly filled the sucker up completely (!). In looking at these pictures, I figure that these cover at least five different subjects spanning three different notable days; clearly I've got good times with formatting ahead of me.

And there are still some planned posts I haven't even started photographing yet. 'Tis the season for immense backlog!

So, first things first. For the sake of progress, let's get an unrelated one-shot out of the way.

We're now into the Christmas season -- as you may have noticed, if you've had to go outside or interact with people in the last couple of weeks -- and the onset of Christmas shopping means that retailers have to ready their marketing strategies and get their best foot forward to draw in the fickle consumer and the almighty dollar.

Some advertisers will go retro, and others will go current; some will go subtle, and others will go brazen; some will produce rational and well thought out promotional material, and others will go work for Warehouse One the Jean Store.

Have you passed by a Warehouse One recently? If you have, I don't doubt for a second you've probably noticed that something seems a little off about their promo pictures. And if you haven't been near one as late, behold as I beheld the imagery that they have chosen as their Christmas marketing plan:



Step one: cut a hole in the box--



YOU WERE THINKING IT TOO

ADMIT IT

THERE IS NO OTHER REASONABLE EXPLANATION FOR THIS PICTURE

HONESTLY LOOK AT THAT GUY'S FACIAL EXPRESSION



I like a good Saturday Night Live callback as much as the next guy -- and having said that, I intend to die in slow-motion from a gunshot wound while Imogen Heap plays in the background -- but really, now. Does this picture make you want to buy jeans?

I know that some of our younger readers may still be impressionable and subject to the influence of mass media imagery, so let me serve as a paragon of virtue on this point: do not try this at home ever. Regardless of how keen a sense of humour your sweet babboo has, the odds are prohibitively high that this will be a fiercely bad idea no matter where you bought your pants from.

And if this Christmas you rack your brain for ideas and genuinely decide that your best bet is to dress fancy in Warehouse One jeans and give your girlfriend a Dick in a Box -- guess what! You are going to get no sympathy from anyone when you're explaining why you're single on New Year's Eve.

Warehouse One is trying to trick you! Do not be fooled! I can't promise that I won't laugh uproariously at your misfortune, but I might feel bad about it later!



And underneath it says 'Affordable', ye gads. "Well, dear, I've been a little short lately, so--wait, no, I mean--uh--"

Man, and this isn't even the worst promotional material I've seen recently. Stay tuned, gentle readers! The world only rolls downhill from here!