Friday, August 31, 2007

And The Eyes Follow You Wherever You Go

I can't let this pass without posting about it, because I laugh every time I see it.

Milt Stegall, as I'm sure we all know by now, broke the CFL record for touchdown receptions; it was a momentous occasion to highlight his incredible career as a Winnipeg Blue Bomber, and everybody is happy for him. Good on him for breaking the record, good on him for being a class act through and through, and all of us wish him the best in his pursuit of a Grey Cup.

With that said. The Winnipeg Free Press, naturally, wanted to seize a golden opportunity to have themselves associated with this success. As anybody might, and as many people did.

That pre-game ceremony before last Friday's tilt was an eyeroll-inducer, by the way, and I'm putting that mildly. It didn't help that everybody involved seemed to have mysteriously lost their public speaking skills, which is confusing considering half the speakers are politicians. And we could have put Stegall's name on a nice new building somewhere, or at least on a street that people actually use, but at some point somebody in charge realized that there's no arena on Arena Road any more. Did anybody consider that we aren't even sure if there'll be a stadium near Arena Road in the coming years? AND OH BOY LET'S AWKWARDLY BRING UP THE PUBLIC-VERSUS-PRIVATE OWNERSHIP DEBATE DURING A SPEECH JUST SO WE DON'T FOCUS TOO MUCH ON MILT OR ANYTH--I could have gone on for pages about that ceremony if I'd thought of it at the time.

But I digress. The Winnipeg Free Press, seizing the opportunity, had Milt pose for a picture with the paper and used that picture on several different days as an advertisement. None of this, so far, is out of the ordinary -- but I don't know if they arbitrarily decided that his smile is unmarketable, or if they figured nobody would recognize him unless he's wearing his high-intensity gameday face, or what, but instead of smiling while he's holding the product he is staring directly through the camera and into the reader's very soul.

Oh, he's pissed, too. I assume they're trying to work from his well-deserved reputation as an intense competitor, but really now -- that is not a look that conveys the message "please buy the Winnipeg Free Press". That is a look that says "I am deeply angry at you personally".

Which is still pretty funny, as far as I'm concerned. In fact, I'm probably going to start using that whenever something goes horribly awry around here.

For example, just say, hypothetically:

"Winnipeg, I have just finished reading today's installment of the Free Press. The news is composed entirely of people being relentlessly horrible to each other in a crumbling and decaying city, and I'm very disappointed in all of you.

"Especially you, East St. Paul police service."

"Especially you.

"We've already established that the consequences are practically laughable for minors who kill people with vehicles while driving illegally; we've sent a strong message to those children, now, and the message is that the consequences are practically laughable for adults who kill people with vehicles while driving illegally.

"Nice going, best and brightest. Real smooth. I'll be sure to keep my head up and my hands out so I can try and catch what part of this story was supposed to reinforce our faith in our justice system."

"Shape up, Winnipeg. Or I start busting some heads. Seriously."

Hot Glue Gun - I'll Kill You (I'll Kill You 7'' Single, 1991)
[buy compilation / info | via]

Electric Eel Shock - Scream For Me (Single Edit) (Beat Me, 2005)
[buy | site | info]

Priestess - No Real Pain (Hello Master, 2005)
[buy | site | myspace]

Clark - Vengeance Drools (Body Riddle, 2006)
[buy | site | info]

In conclusion, I'm having entirely too much fun with that picture.

Congratulations on your record, Milt Stegall! I'm sure you have a lovely smile, no matter what the photographers tell you!

Be sure to come back tomorrow this evening, gentle readers; I'll be doing a quick post before taking off out of town for the long weekend. I'll post some more strange music and talk about recent additions to my wardrobe! I bet you're excited already!

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