I had this particular random thought stick in my head as I drove home from yesterday's Winnipeg Internet Pundits show, and while I could -- and, potentially, should -- have just dumped it on Twitter as text and left it at that, I figured instead that I would sink my teeth into it here and shake away at it until I made sure it was good and dead.
Yesterday's show, you see, included a segment on the ongoing story of the Wal-Mart in Transcona -- "This road goes here!" "Nawwwww it goes there!" "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah!" "THAT DOES IT WE'RE DELAYING THIS ANOTHER TWO MONTHS" -- and in particular the curious but quaint detail that Russ Wyatt, colloquially referred to as the unofficial "Mayor of Transcona", made a point of counting all the trees on the Wal-Mart site. There are six, and two are dead. That is what Russ Wyatt wanted you to know.
Understand that if Transcona were its own town -- as it was, of course, until 1972 -- Russ Wyatt would be the Mayor of Transcona. His authority is basically absolute, out there, although not to the point that Transcona's vote would have overwhelmed the rest of the city and swept him in if he'd ran for Mayor of Winnipeg. But he's still the big Transconan kahuna, the leader of a small but dedicated faction, his leadership virtually unchallenged.
Aside from the occasional news story and a snide joke or two, Winnipeg proper essentially treating Transcona like Canada treats Newfoundland, you really don't hear from or about the neighbourhood too often. Well, maybe they just need some marketing! The "Park City" slogan may or may not have been officially phased out when the neighbourhood joined Winnipeg in Unicity, but if the Transconans ever feel a rebrand coming on, I have but one humble suggestion:
Trans-co-naaaaaa! More Than Meets The Eye!
And, yes, these are the kind of lengths I will go in the name of a one-line gag. It was only once I started drawing this picture that I then pieced together the obvious follow-up of "Optiruss Wyatt", so... that made it a two-line gag.
Coming up tomorrow: Optiruss Wyatt fanfiction! ha ha ha ha ha ha okay, no, not really, tomorrow is actually something else entirely. I had you going for a second there, though!